Many of us are too good to be humans; Benevolence, caregiver, unsolicited provision, name it…
We exhibit all of these wonderful virtues in a bid to make society conducive for all. But oftentimes, in our quest to do most of these, we overlook ourselves, forgetting that we too are humans, who should be given attention.
Why it is a good thing to support others friends and foes included, it is even more important that you do not get overwhelmed. Keep in mind the saying, “Do not kill the Goose that lay the Golden egg.” With that saying, you can see just how important preserving yourself is to not just you, but those around you.
So, what should you do?
Read on to see how I handled this, and how you can model my methods to make the best out of this situation. After all, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
How to know when you are becoming overly available
With time, the line between the perceived reality of these things being normal and the actual reality that they are not blurs until it fades away completely. But regardless of where you think you stand on this issue, here are seven signs that will help you know if you are being too available.
- You almost immediately check their messages or voicemails as soon as it enters, regardless of time and place.
- You are ready to disrupt your schedule as soon as they approach you with their plans.
- You are eager to accept a request from them even if you are busy.
- You can ditch your swimming lessons but not their calls.
- You do have not time for yourself because you are always busy helping others.
- It is only when they need you to do something for them that you are contacted.
- You find it difficult to say NO to requests.
Now, over to how you can curtail being overly available for others;
- There’s Got to Be Power in That Decision
I often make resolutions, on which I hope to stand firm, but what I realized was that in splits of seconds I’d watch my resolutions go to waste on a few persuasive statements from people seeking my help. From that experience, I have learnt that if you must curtail availability, then you must learn to stand firm on your decisions.
Here are a few tips to improve your decision-making skills
- Try not to display emotions or egos
- Know your worth
- Analyze the situation and stick to what can give you long-term benefits
- Be determined to stick to your plans
Always know your worth in people’s lives, because it sulks a lot when you realize that the people you are eager to reach, don’t value you in any way.
- Learn to say No!
This might not seem easy, but you ought to master it because it will keep you from being available every time. Saying No to others who are requesting your time is mind-relieving. Whenever you realize that you cannot be responsible for so many tasks, you feel at ease in your mind. This is great for your overall mental health.
- Get a Spare-Time Activity
Idleness is not good for your mental health. Consequently, you do not want to always keep seeking attention from others, because that is what an idle mind does. Choose a spare-time activity that can keep you occupied. It could be an indoor or outdoor sport, at least this way people can be hinted that you are not always at their beck and call.
- Do not hide your non-availability
Turn off your online status on your social media so that people do not get the misconception that you are less busy. If you are in your workplace you can place a ‘busy’ or do not disturb on your door.
Why non-availability is good for your mental health
The truth is that being too available may not directly harm your mental well-being. But it can still target certain areas of your life that can easily influence it. One of the most important areas in your relationships.
- Your Relationship
There is always a predominant feeling of fear, anger, disappointment or frustration when we reject the requests of close ones, even when it overlaps with our activity. Well, it is not false, yet being unavailable is also vital, both to your mental health and to your relationships.
If you are always easy to reach, you become tired, frustrated, disoriented, and bitter. An inability to say “No” leaves less room for you to express your emotions and needs. This may cause one of the two parties involved to withdraw, leaving the other in a daunting heartbreak.
Limiting your availability to others gives you time to engage in helpful activities and meet with productive people. The freedom you get because you limit your availability gives you room to think about your situation and find out how you are going to deal with it. You will also find time for your relationships and family. Your plans, dreams, and goals can be accomplished if you are making time for yourself more than you do for others. All these eliminate unnecessary stress, frustration, and disappointments, and generally improve your mental health.